Not everyone is in need of a life or business coach. Truth is, you have the power to get where you want to be in life.
The idea of becoming your own life coach may sound counter-intuitive. After all, people often get coaches because they need that “outside push.”
It can be difficult for some people to muster the motivation to get stuff done or workout on their own. They need someone to tell them when and how to perform, when and how to use their energy.
Let’s be clear, there’s nothing wrong with getting help from a motivational coach. I think more people could benefit from having this kind of a positive figure in their life.
But some people fall into the idea that you can’t get what you want without outside help, that you don’t possess a certain level of confidence in your own ability, so someone else has to be constantly around you to draw it out.
Some relationships with life coaches can be codependent and even cripple your progress.
Even if this isn’t the case, the last thing you want is to fall into a pattern of helplessness. You don’t want other people or outside stimuli to become your drive, because physical circumstances change.
Ultimately, your source of confidence and willpower should be your Self.
Sage vs. Coach
I love watching the people I mentor flourish. It’s one of the best parts of being aware: spreading that awareness.
However, the thought of being anything more than a mentor or guide is unnerving. You shouldn’t want to give away that much of your personal power, to the point where you can’t make it to the gym on time unless you have a coach calling you up and yapping in your ear.
The truth is, the ego shuns responsibility.
There is a certain fear that comes with knowing your destiny is in your hands and that you’re writing the pages of your own book. No one else.
You might not know how to perform a certain exercise or may need to ask a question on how to attract clients. This is all well and good, and in the domain of the guide, or sage.
The problem is using this support system as a crutch, which happens more than you would think.
Support systems are tricky business. Some people need them, because they are so far down a dark road that they need the emotional and physical support of others just to go through their day.
Having someone by your side to rely on can be immensely comforting for an ego who wants to wallow in its errors and pain.
Any kind of outside support system must be handled with care. All too often, a broken person isn’t healed by such a system, they are merely carried on the backs of others.
Then when the person falters and slides right back to the same broken behavior, there’s much hand-wringing and remorse, and yet more attempts to “save” the individual.
This is not how healing works.
Support networks are fine. The love and care of others is great.
But you are the one walking your Path, no one else.
Another cannot process your emotional debts.
Another cannot relieve you of your mental delusions.
Another cannot lift the weights for you, or meditate in your stead.
Everything that is truly worth doing to better your Self must ultimately be done on your own accord.
This is where life coaching may falter.
A life guide? Sure. Life consultation session? Great.
But a full on coach? That could get problematic.
Your goal should be to take the reins of your own life and begin motivating and teaching your Self.
If it were that easy, life coaches would be out of a job, however. So I’m well aware that this isn’t the easiest feat for some.
Let me share a few tricks with you that I’ve picked up along the Path that might go a long way in changing your perspective.
Steps to Becoming Your Own Life Coach
- Stop over-complicating success
- Eliminate stressors that are weighing you down
- Don’t force change, it must come as a result of collective actions
Let’s break this down a little.
First of all, most people who believe they need a life coach believe they are neck deep in problems or they are a “special case” that needs attention because they just can’t seem to pull it all together.
You’re likely just trying to do too much, following the advice of too many people, and have way too much on your plate.
1. How to Simplify Your Life
If you’re trying to start a business, you don’t want to be attending a ton of seminars, using random techniques to generate capital, spending all your free time tinkering and developing, and cobbling together a semblance of a business model, while also attempting to balance good health habits, a podcast, and a thousand other daily activities.
If you don’t yet have a distinct product or service that you can monetize or sell right here and now, I’m afraid you don’t even have the bare minimum to be thinking about starting a business.
Likewise if you only have a few dollars to your name, bills need to be paid, and you are eating up all your spare time in R&D and seminars, you’re life is out of balance.
Everything must be handled in moderation, everything in it’s own time, everything in the cadence of nature.
First you must ask yourself, what are your goals? What do you seek to accomplish beyond money?
Is your product or service viable? Have you tested the markets?
If your issues rest outside of the realm of business and instead are more on the personal side of things, this holds true nonetheless.
Trying to do too much is the same as doing nothing.
2. Learn How to Reduce Stress
Are you eating right? Are you sleeping at least 7 hours a night? Are you getting sunlight? Paying the bills? Spending time with loved ones?
You have to take care of all of that before you have a successful life.
We like to play up the idea that we’re grinding for 12 hours a day, spending no time with family, letting dishes pile up while we “work,” and building success in our basements like little gnomes tinkering with shoes, but this is rarely, if ever, the formula for true lasting success.
In any sphere of life.
The first step toward being your own life coach is assessing whether you are trying to do too much and then ruthlessly cutting out the fat.
Which brings us right to the second part, eliminating stressors.
It’s unlikely that you’re going to be swimming in success and peace of mind if you’re trying to build an empire with unnecessary stressors around.
This includes negative family and friends, frivolous expenses that cut into your bottom line, eating out too much, and a weak mind that gets caught up in too much drama and low-rung stimuli.
Mindfulness meditation can be a huge help in this regard.
Remember: success isn’t necessarily about having a ton of money or accomplishing physical goals.
You need to approach “life” from an holistic standpoint to get the most out of it. If you are crawling your way toward a physical goal on your hands and knees, through fire and broken glass, then are you really successful?
Analyze what success means to you, on a deep level.
If you are approaching it from an holistic mindset, you are going to say contentment, peace, financial security, opportunity.
You’re not going to have any of that if you insist on entertaining your ego with drama, or eating crap every day just for the sake of convenience.
Indeed, you seek happiness and freedom but won’t even be able to enjoy any of it because you’ll be too caught up in your own head.
Seek to meditate and rid your Self of emotional and mental clutter. Pair this with rigorous physical activity.
Even ten minutes of weight lifting a day could be enough to clear your head and put you in the right frame of mind for success.
This all leads into the last major point, you can’t force change.
You have to work on the Self before your life manifests the way you want.
The idea behind a life coach is that they will help you make decisions for you, teach you, mold you, until you get on the right track.
But this is somewhat misleading, because much of what we call “success” is entirely a product of self-mastery.
The Self is the catalyst for what the Self experiences.
To put it bluntly, much of what happens to you and what you experience is the end result of manifestation that began inside you.
You initiated it. You brought it into being unconsciously with your worries, doubts, fears, expectations, or consciously through force of will.
Getting your life on track entails getting your Self on track. This is how it has always been, the inescapable reality of how we are tied to the results of our thoughts and actions.
3. Learn Not to Force Change
No one can truly motivate you against your will, even an expert life coach.
Motivation comes from awareness of Self and alignment with what you want to achieve for your Self.
Motivation to do, motivation to be. It is all generated from within you.
If you lack motivation, you lack awareness.
One thing the aware never seem to lack is motivation, or drive.
Why do you think that is?
Because of knowledge of Self.
Awareness begets understanding of how life functions, what we need to do, and the origins of our behaviors.
The aware can always self-motivate, because the aware understand that no one can influence you to do anything against your will. If someone inspires you or motivates you, what is really happening here is that you are taking in sensory input from an outside force or thing and giving your Self permission to be inspired from it.
All inspiration and motivation is a choice. The ability to choose comes from being aware.
So the foundation for that drive, or spark to get your life together ultimately rests in how aware you are.
Working on this requires time with your Self to meditate, process repressed emotions, and plenty of self-care.
You won’t be successful eating garbage and sleeping only 4 hours a night.
Healthy food is essential for fueling your body. Proper amounts of sleep are needed for mental clarity and to reduce stress.
You don’t need a life coach to tell you these things. And if we’re being serious, you don’t need a life coach to drag you to your bed or spoon-feed you real food.
You’re bigger than that. You’re better than that.
Knowing all of this, you can transform your life on your own terms.
The only step that remains is making the decision to put it all into action.
The founder of Digital Sages, Matt has an extensive background in self-mastery and has authored several books on the subject. His goal is to demystify important esoteric subjects and help people transform their lives through self-awareness and personal empowerment.